Aaron / Joyce written by April approximately 10-20 years in the past

committed a crime he can't remember against a person he never knew


when will the voices stop?

why does everyone want to give me medicine?

why is everything so confusing?

what are they all talking about?

when can I go home?


where has my son gone?

will he recognize me today?

is any of this my fault?

how could this happen?

will God heal Aaron?

the middle of life is the hardest part

when my son was small his questions were easier to answer . . .

are we having pizza tonight?

how many days until Saturday?

Some mothers wait on their sons to come home from the war. Some sons come

home in boxes. Some never come home.

But one mother waits for her son to come back from the land of mental illness.

She waits a year, then two, then ten. But her son is still gone. Somewhere on the

other side of the looking glass, where things are not as they seem.

God binds up the wounded heart.

Joyce's Dream written by April approximately 10-20 years ago

Many people dream of winning the lottery and traveling around the world. Of paying off

their mortgage and buying a vacation home at the beach.

My sister has a different sort of dream. Although she has never said the words to me, I

think she dreams of one day awakening to find her son healed of his mental illness. To

have a visit with him without bars and guards. To talk with him about the old home town and his siblings. No "voices", no paranoid delusions, just conversation.

To lay her head on her pillow that night and not wonder where he is, is he safe, did he take

his medicine? What shelter is he in, did he remember to meet with his parole officer?

She dreams of her daughter living a drug-free life. Laughing, working, eating, sleeping,

loving - - just normal. Average. Happy.

She dreams of a family reunion where her children bring their children and spouses. And

they really do love each other, look out for each other, help each other through this life.

This is, I think, Joyce's dream.


I had been looking for the above two papers for days.l. I finally found them in one of my files marked April.

After I re-read them, they also gave me the courage to open the box of Aaron's ashes. Inside was a certificate of cremation, a copy of an agreement with the funeral home in Virginia and 5 death certificates.


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